The University of Michigan released the following announcement:

Step Back To Move Forward Emotionally, Study Suggests

When you’re upset or depressed, should you analyze your feelings to
figure out what’s wrong? Or should you just forget about it and move on?

New research suggests a solution to these questions and to a related
psychological paradox: Pocessing emotions is supposed to facilitate
coping, but attempts to understand painful feelings often backfire and
perpetuate or strengthen negative moods and emotions. The studies were
supported by funding from the National Institutes of Health.


I was recently asked for input by someone trying to make a difficult relationship decision.  My oracle being on holiday at the moment, I could only reply by referring the person back to their values.  Some of these questions are useful for other kinds of decisions also.


Ask yourself where you are coming from in making your decision.  Is it about pride, or your reputation, or a sense of possessiveness, or about your values, or about difference in values between the two of you, or trust, or fear, or what?

What is at stake for you personally?  What do you really want?  What are you willing to give up to have it?

Given that we don’t know the future and can’t control other people, what risks are  you willing and unwilling to take?

This means also: what is most important to you?  When you look back on your life, what would you like people to have said about you and the kinds of choices you made?  What kind of person do you most want to be?  What kinds of choices would THAT person make?

When you think about the possible consequences of your choices, think about – what do I go through in the short term, and what do I gain in the long term by doing this?  Would it be worth it?

Brian Grady