DESC Communication Tool
D – Describe the behavior
E – Explain the effect of the behavior
S – State the desired outcome
C – Consequence: say what will happen if the behavior continues

Some people prefer to memorize the key words that represent this model because it gives them a
consistent structure to follow:
When . . .
I feel . . . because . . .
Therefore, I want/need . . .
So that . .

“When you tell me I’m expected to be at the get-together without consulting me first [Describing the behaviour], I feel disrespected and unimportant [name the feeling] because I think that I am not getting to have a say in decisions that affect me. I need to be involved in these plans in future [state desired outcome] so that I can make sure that we both get what we want [consequence].

Using these kind of “I” statements gets one out of blaming, and taking positions. It opens the door to more genuine communication.